


Emergency Plan for the Potions Classroom

by Maeglin_Yedi



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-18
Updated: 2013-10-18
Packaged: 2017-12-29 18:48:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1008799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maeglin_Yedi/pseuds/Maeglin_Yedi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Since 1994, the Board of Governors requires that an emergency plan is made available in every classroom at Hogwarts. Severus Snape, though he finds the idea of an emergency plan preposterous, complied.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Emergency Plan for the Potions Classroom

**Author's Note:**

> Rating: G  
> Disclaimer: All things Harry Potter belong to JKR
> 
> A/N: Written for the April Non-Fiction Fest at [omniocular](http://community.livejournal.com/omniocular/), for prompt: 78. Notices of emergency procedures (e.g. in case of fire, burns, stings etc) to be found in either the Potions dungeon or the Herbology greenhouse.

Since 1994, the Board of Governors requires that an emergency plan is made available in every classroom at Hogwarts. Severus Snape, though he finds the idea of an emergency plan preposterous, complied. 

And thus, since September 1994, a small note is found pinned to the Potions classroom wall above the sinks, containing the emergency procedures written in Snape's near-illegible script.

 

_In case any of you dunderheads blows up my dungeons:_

Evacuate the classroom according to House and grades. Slytherins first, then Ravenclaws, Hufflepuffs, and lastly, if the room hasn't collapsed by then, Gryffindors. If any of the potentially severe casualties include Potter, Longbottom, students with the surname of Weasley, or any student with an average lower than Acceptable, they may be left behind.

 

_In case any of you imbeciles sets fire to a cauldron, the furniture, or another student:_

If you have not mastered the correct charm to conjure water, you should seriously reconsider if you belong at this school. However, I'd rather not have any fatalities in my classroom, nor do I wish to spend my precious spare time cleaning up charred furniture or melted cauldrons, thus if you cannot conjure water I strongly suggest you look down. You will find water there to put out any fires that may occur. 

Additional note to Longbottom and any other students (Potter, I am looking at you) who do not understand the fine art of potion making: DO NOT, under any circumstances, try to put out a fire caused by the use of dragon blood with water! It will only fuel the fire, as you should know! Use a containment spell (which you should have mastered by now) instead. 

 

_In case any of you idiots suffers from burns, cuts, blindness caused by rubbing your eyes with your hands after handling bubotuber pus/armadillo bile/any kind of venom, or experiences respiratory problems after inhaling potions fumes:_

Go to the hospital wing at once. And ten points from your House!

 

_In case any of you insufferable adolescents melts a cauldron:_

You should have been concentrating on your potion, instead of trying to look down the blouse of your neighbour. Do leave your uncontrolled teenage hormones at the door in the future. If not, detention will be the least of your problems.

 

_Severus Snape  
Potions master_


End file.
